Pondering Comparison
Author: Dalton James
July 15th, 2024
“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
- Theodore Roosevelt
Thinking back, I’ve almost always compared myself. In hindsight, I’ve viewed it as a good thing because I’ve compared myself to people and things I thought were “better” than me or my life, which in turn has pushed me to strive for more. Growing up, I would compare myself to people who had things that I wanted or could do things that I wished to do. I’m a perfectionist, which doesn’t help, and I feel perfectionism looks different for everyone who faces it. It feels like this constant state of pressure that I put on myself to feel emotionally stable. I rely on all of the important things in my life to be exactly where I would like them to be at any given moment. It can be as simple as my appearance or as complex as my relationships with others. I attempt to redirect my focus toward knowing that I will still be okay by the end of the day, even if not everything is exactly how I want it to be.
I took a three-month social media break this past winter. Three months may not sound like much, but for someone who regularly checks their feed as if it’s going out of style, this was quite the step for me. I only really use Instagram, so that was the account of my choice to deactivate. It got to the point where I was hesitant to post anything on my page because I feared I wouldn’t be perceived how I wanted to be by others. I would study my explore page and gawk at the genetically blessed or wastefully scroll through my followers’ awesome vacations or friend groups or whatever I felt I was deficient in. I felt like my own worst critic and during my time spent away I realized that I was judging myself in the way I was afraid of being judged by others; I compared my insecurities to what I felt was my lack.
Healthy competition with yourself is great. If there is some part of ourselves or our life that we want to improve, and maybe we’re determined by the sight of others’ lives, then there may be benefits to reap from that. However, when it gets to the point of internal degradation, that’s when I feel it’s important to take a step outside of the box and assess what’s truly going on. I have a different relationship with social media now than I did 6 months ago. I didn’t want to go extreme and take a year or more away from the apps, but I needed to figure out what was going on inside that made my self-image so poor and why I was so mean to myself.
I’m learning that identifying with the unique parts of myself is what helps me to stray from the comparison mindset. What helps me feel like me? What beliefs goals or interests make me feel excited, wholesome, myself? Rather than looking at someone that I think has it all together and wondering what I could be doing better. I gain so much by choosing things in life that mean me and add to my uniqueness. I benefit more from focusing on a comfortable self-image rather than an ideal self-image. In all reality, isn’t comfort ideally a part of happiness?
As humans I think it’s very easy for our thought processes to come from a place of lack… modern day standards also paint that sort of picture for us. Beauty standards, having enough or more than enough money, etc. It’s a daunting concept, to find a sense of content in what we have or who we are, especially at a younger age. Jealousy can be so simple and comparison so easy and that’s probably why it’s such an impulse that feels insurmountable. It takes more willpower to be aware of this sort of thinking, so oftentimes I check in where I find myself comparing and wondering what doubts can be replaced with motivation or even inspiration to do better. For example, I see someone online or at my gym doing more reps than me, and their gains show it… is it time to give up and go home with my tail between my legs or figure out how I can lift more to reach my body goals? See, it’s reshaping the I’m-not-enough thoughts to something more self-fulfilling. The jealousy/comparison to inspiration or motivation works. I mentally and emotionally bring myself back to what I want for myself and remember what it feels like to be working towards that. I remember learning that fear and excitement come from the same part of the brain, which is a similar concept. Just as fear and excitement coexist, so do jealousy and motivation.
I have the recurring realization that we are all quite adjusted to ourselves. We are with ourselves more than anybody ever can or will be, and so we almost grow immune to everything that makes us up individually. We forget to appreciate all of the wonderful parts of us that others may cherish or admire. In comparison, we become lost in the focus on our surroundings and believe that what’s outside of us is what we need; We long for what we don’t have (and don’t always need) and it estranges us from whatever grounding qualities are specific to our individual selves. Why do I forget how cultured and artistic and friendly and resilient I am when I’m yearning for what I think would make me whole? Oh, how the mind works…
I recognize that I think in black-and-white patterns and remind myself to find the gray in uncertainty and discomfort. I understand that it’s part of the human experience to at times feel as though life isn’t serving enough. It’s important to remember that if we had it all figured out today, then there wouldn’t be anything left to uncover and life would ultimately be pretty boring. Sometimes the struggles are what keep us going and make our days more fruitful; I find content in that realization and accepting that comparison also brings me back to appreciation.
