Nostalgia
Author: Dalton James
August 15th, 2024
“Sometimes, I feel the past and the future pressing so hard on either side that there’s no room for the present at all.”
- Evelyn Waugh
The past isn’t always as seamless as I remember. I just appreciate the good so much that I’ve forgotten what the rest felt like. But there are parts of the past that were wonderful. I take that and hold it close because life doesn’t always feel good. It’s more so being thrown back and forth, not knowing for sure whether life is good or if it sucks. I think it’s a bit of both. Yet when I think about it, would we really know what “good” felt like if it were all we ever had?
I see nostalgia as a test. When I feel nostalgic, I’d describe it as a sense of release when I think about the past. I remember what felt good and pick out the savored moments of a memory. It’s like remembering how good a movie or television series was and missing the very first time you watched it. Or having a craving for a favorite food. It’s sweet and blissful and sometimes that’s what makes it so simplistic.
I’m not sure why our brains occasionally sort the positive from the negative. We even tend to fixate on the bad over the good. Yet sometimes, the negative memories might serve a purpose - maybe to protect us from something, or perhaps they occur to teach us a lesson. It can be tricky to think, “I’ve been down that road, I learned a lot, and sometimes it’s okay to miss a part of the past and remember why I moved on.” On the other hand, I think nostalgia can be a soft reminder of something comforting I experienced at one point. Soothing memories often ease my worries about the future and what’s to come. They help me feel excited knowing there is always a chance to experience upcoming happiness, because those too moments will eventually become memories.
I would say that the two things it’s most easy to feel nostalgic about are people and places - they both coexist. Let’s start with people. You meet someone, be it a love interest or a friend maybe, and they have some sort of impact on your life. Maybe things took a negative turn, perhaps they didn’t. Regardless, this person may have played an intricate part in shaping you, and you have vivid memories that are cherishable to you. Places are quite similar. You visit a new place that has meaning to you. Say you have a great first experience there and possibly some people to share it with. It’s almost as if nostalgia has a way of selecting one of those initial moments and coating them with a pleasant or comforting sensation - and it feels so nice sometimes. There are parts of my past that I run from or wish to forget, but these recollections also ease my relationship with what was and help me look forward to what’s coming.
Nostalgia sinks in for me during moments of ingratitude, misplacement, and depression. There are times when my thoughts hit the point of believing that the past was so much better than the present because I feel so unfamiliar with the here and now. But truly, the past was also unfamiliar at one point. There was a time when the past was a here and now - and now it is the past. It’s well-known to me because it’s become a memory, and I can ponder as much as I’d like. I’ve thought about it and I think it has to do with boredom. We don’t always realize it, but boredom can be so much more intense than we realize. It can be associated with feeling lost and even purposeless at times, at least in my experience. Once I get to that state of mind, I start trailing on about how much better the past was and how I wish I could just go back.
I’ve learned that part of my human experience is understanding that I often surrender my control. To me, that means forgetting how capable I am. What I’ve realized in my few weeks of writing this is that nostalgia also helps me to remember that satisfaction and happiness can come from the inside of me. What I mean by this is that we, individually, can create what feels good. It’s not always about waiting for happiness or gratitude to come around, or waiting for our turn to enjoy life. I try my best to focus on what feels right/good to me in the moment. Anticipating a bright future might mean I’m not enjoying the moment at hand. I don’t think it’s about waiting for something or someone to be happy. We have more than we realize sitting right in front of us, and there’s just so much to indulge in.
For the majority of this summer, I’ve wished for more friends and more opportunities to get out and explore and simply have fun. For hours I’ve reminisced about my college fun and memories that I wish were present again. But these past few weeks I’ve taken advantage of what I have. I’ve spent more time building upon the relationships that I do have in my life and taking opportunities when I see them. I went to a super fun karaoke bar last week with my partner and had a blast - I’ve never done something like that before. I’ve been engaging in positive impulses and pushing myself to go to the beach or head to a festival in the city without overthinking whether it’s worth it or not. I’ve been working out and spending time with friends I haven’t seen in months - and all that those wonderful things took was me.
It can be tricky, but I believe the present and future can be just as fruitful as the past feels in moments of nostalgia. It’s easy to waste away in a loss of direction or a lack of engagement in making life enjoyable. I choose to take nostalgia as a moment of gratitude for the past, not ingratitude for the present. It’s possible for better days to lie ahead and I’m learning that it starts with ourselves.
